Here’s another dose of honesty and transparency from my own life in hopes that you find value in the openness and knowing you’re not alone. I’m a coach, but I’m also human. I’m certainly not exempt from the human experience. As a coach, I have many tools to help me get out of my “stuff”, but I still get in my “stuff”. So here’s a confession...I get absolutely jealous of my husband from time to time. Yep, the person that is supposed to be my better half, my best friend, my soul mate, the one I’m supposed to be “one” with. We’re supposed to be on the same team and his wins are supposed to be mine, but quite honestly, I don’t always choose into feeling all of this.
Who wants to marry a loser?
Here’s the thing...my husband is AMAZING! Which I’m supposed to be happy about right? Who wants to marry a loser? I remember intentionally wanting a husband that is strong in his own right and challenges me to grow too. And when I get it in reality, I don’t always see it so positively. My husband has so many qualities that I want to have. One of these qualities is his confidence in himself and his ability to sell himself. Although he will tell you otherwise, I don’t think he has any insecurities. Everything seems to come easy and quickly for him.
I couldn't keep up
For example, when I started my passion project of coaching, I spent months hem hawing around hesitating to make it “facebook official”, worried about what other people would think, insecure about my abilities to have something of value to say, and honestly, just scared to be seen and put myself out there in fear of judgement and rejection.
When my husband began his current passion project, on the other hand, within weeks, he started selling himself on social media, making contacts (that turned into partnerships mind you), and his page and content were being shared and blowing up all over my feed. *Barf*
I remember when he told me one of the people he had contacted to sell his new project. My jaw literally dropped. It was someone I could have accessed, but chose to be intimidated by. I immediately felt discouraged and felt like I couldn’t keep up.
That thought snapped me out of it. Wait...keep up with what? Were we racing? Are we on opposite teams? Does his success mean my failure? Where did this auto-comparison come from and where else is it showing up in my life? As I thought about this more, I thought about scarcity vs abundance. Which was I coming from in this moment? Did I truly believe there wasn’t enough to go around? If he’s walking in his purpose and I’m walking in mine, don’t I believe there are more than enough people for BOTH of us to serve? Couldn’t we both serve the same person?
Jealousy generally refers to the thoughts or feelings of insecurity, fear, and concern over a lack. I do not enjoy the words insecure, fear, and lack. If I made those qualities a habit I would not enjoy the trajectory of my life. So with that notice, let’s swing the pendulum the other way-the opposite. What if I were to come from confidence in who I am, love, and abundance? If so, then I would be incredibly grateful to be surrounded by someone that brings me to a higher level. I would be inspired by his strengths and abilities. I would consider myself fortunate to have someone with his skill set that wants to support me in my goals and who I get to leverage. I like the trajectory of this mindset much more! I just opened up my possibilities rather than cut them off.
Ways to move forward
-Disconnect from others. (Meaning, who they are doesn’t have to take away from who you are). Drop the comparison. We’re all running our own race.
-Believe that I am enough as I am and so are others ––– We can all live big together. We’re designed for living in community and serving others.
-When you notice a difference in another, admire it. If it’s a trait that doesn’t typically come natural to you, let it inspire you. Take it one step further and affirm it in another. Leverage that relationship, ask them about it, and use it to grow yourself.
-Pay attention to if/when you get jealous, feel “less than” and feel threatened or have negative feelings around someone/something.